The Dream Cities…(Stories/Poems/Letters/Thoughts&Dreams)

Many years

And you loved it, and your people loved you

Some called you the goddess of fairness and love, because you did a better job at love than the actual goddess of love

That’s another story 

Anyway, what set you apart from the other goddesses of justice and fairness is this:

You would let both sides talk , and you would not make a decision until the accused was also allowed to speak, versus the other goddesses who would usually side with whoever showed up first to complain, or siding with whoever had money and resources to offer

You were like a judge, who decided who’s guilty and not, and would give recommendations on how to handle certain situations (although the final decision was not yours, that was the decision of another, but to most, your recommendations were respected)

Well, respected by common people

In the god/goddess world, it’s an absolute nightmare 

It has been for some time, and one day…

The gods would love to present themselves as perfect to the commons, and try to hard to cover up actions showing otherwise

And Oh, there’s  many an action that proves otherwise

They fight amongst themselves

And one day, your sister, telling you about her love interest…approaches you

She talks about him

You gave her the advice to approach him, and present herself as beautifully as she can

You even told her to be a little “provocative” (use your imagination on that)

Well, he rejected her

She blamed you, because she followed your advice

She accused you of sabotaging her on purpose because you think you’re better, and in your ignorance (and your tendency to WAY OVERHELP people for zero reason)

You agree that you should’ve given better advice and in return, your sister asks you to help sabotage the guy who rejected her

And, oh, you’re the goddess of justice and peace and fairness

So you’re in the perfect position to be used like that, especially by family

And you find that extremely inappropriate ; you’re actually offended 

But, you are so scared of confrontation, you agree to your sisters demands, and tell her you’ll help take care of the guy who rejected her

Your job is justice and fairness, not sabotage or taking sides

But, in the company of wolves, Sarala sits in silence

Your sister also has a better reputation with the rest of the family

And thus, this when my story “two sisters” picks up

The full title is “the war of the two sisters”

Although not my best, this story will somehow be the most loved

And that’s fine

I have been thinking about this ever since you told me, every single day, every single minute

I said something and you said “well what do you expect, my mom used to tell me that kissing on tv was special effects cause you aren’t allowed to kiss someone unless you’re in love”

Sarala, that has bothered me ever since

It seems very innocent at face value, but it isn’t

It’s not innocent

Not at all

It’s very damaging 

It damaged your future relationships with men

It changed how you see men, because your childhood you were just told it was “special effects”

Instead of telling you reality, and accompanying it with good advice…

Your mom decided to say some dumb bullshit “it’s just special effects”

I am speaking directly to your mom now:

Why would you tell your daughter that?

Was it religious?

You could’ve taught your daughter that men can be sweet and kind, if treated right

Not that men are “special effects”

Or that love is “special effects”

Your words and actions cause your daughters to feel sick, when they aren’t

They didn’t do anything 

Your daughters didn’t do anything, so why would you put your insecurities and fears into them?

a question of hope…

Do you honestly and truly believe that I love you/am in love with you after all this time?
And if yes, why
And if no, why

an answer of sorrow…

I’ve been thinking about it even before you just asked. Because most of the time I do believe that you do love me but then I’ll have moments where i think that deep down you don’t really. But it could be me misinterpreting things. Sometimes when you say stuff it just feels like you just despise me. But then I’ve been starting to wonder if you do it to get a reaction from me. Not that you’re trying to make me care but maybe just to get anything from me (as in replies). I’m struggling even writing this because I just feel like I’ll say something wrong, it’ll be misinterpreted and then we fight.

I think my answer is that I do believe you do but sometimes I doubt it because of something you said. But that’s momentarily and it fades. I still struggle with black and white thinking.

You still show you care, remember things, still wanting to talk to me even though I barely talk. You remember more than I do. You still thought of me on my birthdays.. 

I really hope my answer doesn’t irritate you but I feel like you’d say it’s not really an answer. But I was just trying to write exactly what I feel and think.