The Dream Cities…(Stories/Poems/Letters/Thoughts&Dreams)

a question of hope…

Do you honestly and truly believe that I love you/am in love with you after all this time?
And if yes, why
And if no, why

an answer of sorrow…

I’ve been thinking about it even before you just asked. Because most of the time I do believe that you do love me but then I’ll have moments where i think that deep down you don’t really. But it could be me misinterpreting things. Sometimes when you say stuff it just feels like you just despise me. But then I’ve been starting to wonder if you do it to get a reaction from me. Not that you’re trying to make me care but maybe just to get anything from me (as in replies). I’m struggling even writing this because I just feel like I’ll say something wrong, it’ll be misinterpreted and then we fight.

I think my answer is that I do believe you do but sometimes I doubt it because of something you said. But that’s momentarily and it fades. I still struggle with black and white thinking.

You still show you care, remember things, still wanting to talk to me even though I barely talk. You remember more than I do. You still thought of me on my birthdays.. 

I really hope my answer doesn’t irritate you but I feel like you’d say it’s not really an answer. But I was just trying to write exactly what I feel and think.